Welcoming Baby Ko into the World.

We're in the final stretch and I can hardly believe it.

Hi friends,

We are in the final stretch of my first pregnancy! I can hardly believe it. On January 1, 2024, when I first found out I was pregnant, September 16th felt impossibly far away. By some miracle, we are here.

Through cancer, through dying, through death, through grief, through nine months of creating a human being inside my body — through the most challenging time of our lives, we are here. I am incredibly proud of us and all of the work, rest, and intentionality we have put into each day to get to this point. We would not be here without the support of our friends, our family, and our communities.

With five weeks left until Baby Ko arrives, Greg and I are trying to get everything ready for this massive change in our lives.

We would love to invite you to be a part of our first child’s life, and we would love for you to join us in welcoming this little one into the world.

We created a baby registry for some essential items we’ll need to stay sane, survive, and keep a small human being alive. Click the button below and shower our growing family with love today.

As of today, I am 35 weeks and 3 days pregnant. I am nine months pregnant. I have been pregnant through three seasons — winter, spring, and summer. I have officially been pregnant for 248 days.

When Greg and I first found out I was pregnant, our jaws were on the floor. We freaked out, we were so excited, we were in complete awe and disbelief. How had this happened so quickly for us? How had this happened at all? Because of everything we had gone through with 아빠, we expected getting pregnant to be an uphill battle for us, too. I could not believe this was happening. It felt surreal. It felt like a gift.

With the reality of death so fresh in my bones, without much delay, my excitement and joy quickly turned into anxiety and fear. How was I going to survive nine months of this? It had only been three months since 아빠 died.

I was scared that I wouldn’t be able to navigate an entire pregnancy — my first pregnancy — while simultaneously learning how to navigate my first year of grief. I was scared that I wasn’t ready to bring a human being into our lives and into this world. I was scared of becoming a mother. I was scared of all of the terrible things that could potentially happen to this child, at any point of my pregnancy journey and beyond. The list of fears and unknowns felt endless and all-consuming.

As I continued to move through grief and pregnancy, with the support of Greg, my friends, my communities, and my medical providers, my anxiety lessened. And as my anxiety lessened, I felt safer to allow things like wonder and joy to come back into my life.

Grief and joy, hope and fear, life and death — these are things that I have had to learn to hold together.

Carrying life and death together has been one of the most challenging things I’ve ever had to do in my life. With every doctor’s appointment, with every ultrasound, with every change in my body, with every pregnancy milestone, with every pregnancy pain, I have thought about 아빠.

Throughout my pregnancy, I’ve imagined what it would have been like to have him here with me during my first pregnancy — before cancer, before dying, before death. He would’ve been overjoyed, constantly laughing, with his signature smile permanently plastered on his face. He would’ve told everyone — he would’ve told all of his golf friends, all of his church friends, all of his dry cleaners customers, his sister, and his nephews. He would’ve told strangers. He would’ve cooked so many meals for me. He would’ve told me to eat more. He would’ve told me to be careful. He would’ve FaceTimed me every day that we weren’t together. He would’ve bought me, Greg, and his 손자, his grandchild, all of the things. His vibrance and light would have filled every room. His presence would have made this pregnancy far more joyful, and far less painful.

아빠’s physical absence has been a devastating reality that I’ve had to carry throughout these last eleven months since his death, and throughout these last nine months of my pregnancy. And yet, I know that 아빠 had everything to do with this child coming into my life.

During the darkest time of my life, he gave me a light.

With the utmost sincerity, Greg and I want to thank you for being a part of our community. Since 2015, over the last nine years — through dreams, through life, through injuries, through marriage, through cancer, through death, through grief, and through the creation of this new life — you have witnessed, supported, and encouraged us through so many phases of our lives. Greg and I are incredibly grateful for the kindness you’ve shown us throughout the years.

We especially want to thank our Patreon Members, who have truly carried us on their backs. We have seen further because we stand on the shoulders of these giants.

Please keep us in your thoughts. Please keep us in your prayers. Please pray for the safe arrival of our first child.

Love,
Jieun, Greg, and Baby Ko