How I Became Chi Un Ko
A special gift for the final week of AANHPI Heritage Month, a story about my old name, and a love letter to all the Asian American kids who survived.
Hi friends,
In honor of AANHPI Heritage Month, for the next 7 days, Greg and I are giving away free sweatshirts to the first 15 newest members of our Patreon Community!
From now until May 31, every new member will receive a free Chi & Greg sweatshirt from us, as a gift of our gratitude for investing in the sustainability of our artist careers. To become a member:
Head over to our Patreon page
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Who is Chi?
In 2021, I reclaimed my name. After 33 years of living a double life as Chi and Jieun; after enduring a year of 아빠’s cancer, a global pandemic, and a rise in anti-Asian violence; after surviving a lifetime of racism — I reclaimed my name. The Atlanta Spa Shootings was the straw that broke the camel’s back.
In 1988, when I was born in Korea, I was named 지은, Jieun.
My name means wisdom and mercy.
When I immigrated to America, my name was butchered into: “Chi Un Ko.”
My name was dismembered.
My name was an error.
My name meant nothing.
When I started school at the age of 4, people began calling me “Chi.” As a Korean immigrant child, with Korean immigrant parents, we didn’t know our rights. We didn’t know how to have agency in this country. I didn’t know I had a choice to be called by my real name.
So I became Chi.
Chi Chi!
Chiko!
Chikoriko!
Ch-ch-ch-chia!
Chia Pet!
Chicharonnes!
Chunko!
Chi-Chi! Salsa! Can’t get enough!
Do you know “chiko” means “boy” in Spanish?
Chi as in *bows* chiiiii?
Chi like your inner chi?
Are you Chinese?
ON-YONG-HA-SAY-YO!
Chi was a person America created.
Chi was a person America forced me to be.
Chi was a person I learned how to be, so I could survive in this country.
Chi had to be happy, bubbly, and grateful.
Chi had to be quiet and nice.
Chi had to be obedient and accommodating.
Chi had to be chill.
Chi had to sacrifice herself, erase herself,
Hide herself, and hate herself.
Chi had to abandon who she was and where she came from.
Chi had to forgive the unforgivable.
Chi could never be angry.
Chi could never speak up for herself.
Chi could never express her own thoughts, opinions, feelings, and values.
Chi could never be herself.
Chi had to be the butt of every joke and settle for false belonging.
Chi had to laugh when she was weeping inside.
Chi had to wear a mask.
Chi had to be invisible.
Chi had to be everything everyone wanted her to be.
I am deeply grateful for Chi.
She kept us alive.
She found a way to survive.
She survived three decades of racism, erasure, harassment, and invalidation. She survived her childhood, as an Asian American girl in Virginia. She survived her college years, as an Asian American woman in South Carolina. She survived her adult years, as an Asian American woman in New York. She survived 33 years in America as a Korean immigrant girl, and a Korean immigrant woman.
She found her way back to herself.
She fought her way back to herself.
“She chose to move into the direction of authenticity and liberation, and away from the direction of assimilation and erasure.”
In 2021, she made the brave choice to be Jieun in all places — to take up space as her whole self. She chose to move into the direction of authenticity and liberation, and away from the direction of assimilation and erasure. She did all of these things in the face of all the risks and dangers of being Asian in America today.
We made these sweatshirts in December 2020, six months after 아빠‘s terminal cancer diagnosis.
They remind me of the girl who saved me.
The girl who survived.
The girl who protected me throughout my life.
The girl whose shoulders I stand on today.
I have always been Jieun.
But I will always carry Chi with me.
Get your free sweatshirt today.
With love,
Jieun
Stay Soft, Stay Open: May Episodes
This month, I’ll be sharing all of the podcast episodes I recorded from May 2024. Thank you for listening.
May 20, 2024: Humans Need Rest!
May 21, 2024: Dandelions Always Find a Way to Grow
May 22, 2024: I'm going to do what I can, when I can, with what I have.
May 23, 2024: The Resilience & Strength of the Humble Dandelion
May 24, 2024: Untangling My Worth from the Validation of Others
This newsletter is brought to you by the generosity and support of our 51 Patreon Members. Every month, they fund all of our creative projects — Jieun & Greg, Asian American Art Club, Stay Soft, Stay Open, and With Love, Jieun.
If you aren’t a Patreon Member yet, join today and grab your free sweatshirt!
